home Personal Development Stop comparing yourself to others – or how I realised I needed to find my own hole

Stop comparing yourself to others – or how I realised I needed to find my own hole

I dont have everything that I should have already

As I hurtled towards my 30th birthday, I found myself thinking about all the things I thought I should have. A house. A career that was lucrative and rewarding. A wife. Kids. A big car, and so on.

Then I realised that my younger brother had all of this and he was still a few years from turning 30!

Wait, Do I really want these things now?

All of these things that I didn’t have started to get to me. To weigh me down.

Fortunately, a good friend told me of going through the same kind of thing himself when he was approaching the milestone age. Since then I have realised that my brother, and other friends that have these things – they are different to me.

Each of them are in the place that they want to be.

They are round pegs in round holes.

What’s really missing?

I don’t know what/where my hole is!

That is my underlying realisation.

I still don’t feel that I am where I am a ‘supposed’ to be.

I’m getting married this year – one thing I am pretty sure about. I also moved back to Scotland – I’m also sure about making that move too.

But as for my hole – All I know is that it doesnt feel like I’m there. Yet.

 

A different kind of want

That’s what I want now. The wife is cming along. We live in a nice, rented, flat. I’ve got my car (and a motorbike!). My job pays me well, and I find value in what I do.

But now I know what I don’t lnow. I don’t know what I love, what my passion/niche is.

That’s why I’m here

I had conversations with 2 friends on this very topic. About feeling stagnant. Feeling like everyone else seemed to be getting on better than we are.

That led me to think that other people, people like you, must also feel the same. Be on the same train of thought.

By gauging their/your ‘success’ against that of others around them/you.

My adivce, if that’s the right term, is to forget about what the ‘success’ of others means to you – it means nothing!

The real thing we should be thinking about is what we want to do for ourselves to be happy and successful.

Having that passion that keeps you going. The hobby that makes going to work worthwhile because it means you can ‘do your hobby’ at the weekend. The desire to learn a new skill that leads to new job roles open up, allowing you to apply it.

In seeking to better these things for ourselves, the rest will fall in to place – because we are no longer worrying about it.

If it doesn’t? Well, if it doesn’t fall in to place then it was probably something that we didn’t really want in the first place.